Does size matter?

A new issue has recently begun to occupy some of my thought time; are bigger ears really better? Now, our culture tells us that the bigger the ears the better and I think most of us in one way or another subscribe to that notion. I myself had been endowed with fairly ample ears for most of my life and this was a non-issue to me. Now, though, the ravages of exercise and mothering 3 boys has taken it's toll and my ears just aren't what they were. Culture has gotten me thinking that my ears are now somehow inferior to the ideal.
However, a marvelous new world has opened to me, housing a vast array of wonderful new earrings that I could never wear before. There are SO many cute varieties of strapless earrings and they actually look cute and stay on my ears. Because of my smaller ears, the rest of me looks smaller-it's amazing how much bigger big ears can make a person look. I mean, look at Minnie Mouse and Dumbo, major porkers, right!?! And Jessica Rabbit; HUGE ears! There's no longer any more danger of my earrings popping open at will. I am more streamlined in the pool, much less drag!
So, to all you folks getting ready to jump on the ear-implant bandwagon, stop and consider the wonderful advantages to keeping the ears God gave ya'!
Of course if my ears start to hang down to my shoulders, I might be singing a different tune!